Exceptional leaders do two things extremely well: they connect personally with associates and emotionally connect associates to their company. In this post, I focus on personal connections, and an important approach for nurturing them.
I once worked with a new leader who was struggling with his direct leadership team, and his team was struggling with him. He could tell they were not clicking. While it wasn’t contentious, there was a lack of camaraderie that underlies highly effective teams. As we talked through what he was experiencing, we came to empathy and whether he was able to put himself in their shoes and feel the pressures and stresses they felt. He stated he had never been a very empathetic person, and it was difficult for him to relate to their feelings. He had always been a “work” focused person.
I shared the idea that even if you are not an inherently empathetic person you can still have meaningful relationships by spending time with team members as they perform their work, asking them to describe how they are feeling and listening sincerely. While you may not feel what they feel, you can demonstrate care by taking action to help them. Caring is empathy in action. The words empathy and care are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same. Those who are not inherently empathetic can still be caring and realize the benefits of that. While this leader did not fundamentally change to become highly empathetic, he did become more caring and his relationship with his leadership team improved, as did their results.
One way to build empathy and strengthen relationships with your associates is by acting as a team member first and leader second. Leaders who see themselves as a team member first – just another person with a role to play and a set of responsibilities required to advance the team’s work – and leader second, are able to develop deeper relationships than those who act solely as a leader, directing from an office above.
Through shared experiences, team members grow close, listening to one another, sharing their real selves beyond their work personas, and allowing imperfections to show. They also feel the same stresses and pressures that come with difficult work. Common experiences draw them together, and relationships grow from of an understanding of and empathy for each team member as an individual. Over time, team members connect, developing understanding, empathy, and caring for each other. When a leader acts as a team member first, she creates a pathway for developing emotional connections that we, as human beings, crave. Think about the best leaders you have worked with. Are they more than a leader to you? Do you feel an emotional connection to them?
It can certainly be difficult to share team experiences consistently. Leaders’ schedules are often oversubscribed, and time is short. Regularly investing time to learn about the team and their day-to-day work can become a “second priority”. Block time on your calendar and protect it and you will have the opportunity to take your relationships to a higher level and achieve greater results.
Developing emotional connections does not mean you have to be overly emotive, but rather you are genuine in your interactions. When you are your genuine self with others, they experience a deeper relationship and feel bonded to you. And when team members feel connected, they believe. They believe in you, in your message, and in your direction. And when people believe, they can move mountains. They feel empowered to act. Consider the energy that comes with that. Imagine dozens or hundreds or thousands of people all emotionally connected to you as a leader, believing in your message. The level of energy, creativity, and momentum increases exponentially as team members interact and reflect your empowerment. It all starts with opening ourselves up by being genuine. And each of us can do that if we choose.
Believe that your job is to enable your team and not preside over them, and you will approach your daily work with a different perspective; one that focuses on acting as a team member, providing the support the team needs to excel. And that support will be felt and will reinforce your personal connection in a virtuous circle. Human emotion is incredibly powerful, and when it is put to good use in a business setting, teams can achieve truly remarkable results. Leaders who learn to tap into this energy have a sustainable advantage.
Share your thoughts below.
What approaches or techniques do you use to connect with your team members? What benefits have you seen from those?
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