Through every communication, leaders have an opportunity to build trust and loyalty, motivating and energizing team members to achieve remarkable results.
“You had a really terrific year,” he said. “I appreciate your hard work. You’ve been an outstanding team member, contributing a lot to the team.” Year-end review time. My leader sharing his thoughts while I stare at the ‘2’ rating (on a scale of 3) written on my review document. It was difficult to reconcile his verbal statements to the words on the page, so it was hard to understand areas for improvement. The written words weren’t bad, but they certainly weren’t as effusive as his comments.
“Thank you. That’s some of the best thinking I’ve seen on this topic.” Her face lit up when I said that. She was ready to charge out and take on the world.
“I’m disappointed in you,” a leader told my colleague. She was beside herself, furious he took that tone. The word disappointed is one often used between parents and their children. Using that word in a work setting, can trigger strong emotions, as it did with her. He could have chosen a different route for the discussion about why a set of work was delayed (e.g., asking how he could help to resolve issues), but he went with what can be perceived as a personal attack.
“I understand.” Those words meant a lot to me. It was my first major screw up as a new leader during my years in consulting and I was dreading the conversation with my leader. I didn’t know exactly what might happen, but I was scared. “I’ll talk with the client. Let’s just not do that again.” With those words he demonstrated a level of empathy I was not expecting and won my respect and loyalty.
“Why would we do that?” I heard a leader say on an outage call, immediately putting team members on their heels. Working in technology, when a system is not functioning properly or is unavailable, knowledgeable team members join a call to resolve the problem as quickly as possible. Leaders may join, but usually remain quiet, allowing the team to focus on the problem. Through his comments, this leader had people more concerned with justifying prior action than resolving the current situation, delaying the fix.
“I’m proud to be a part of this team.” I sat in the auditorium and watched people’s expressions. She said it with heart and sincerity, and appreciation was reflected across the faces in the crowd.
Words matter.
Before discussing other aspects of communication like clarity and consistency, it is critically important for leaders to first understand the power and impact of their words. With a bit of attention, through every communication, verbal or written, leaders have an opportunity to build trust and loyalty, motivating and energizing team members to achieve remarkable results. With inattention or carelessness, they also have the opportunity to confuse, discourage, and demoralize.
In one-on-one discussions, small team meetings, and large audience presentations, leaders are under a microscope. Your actions are watched closely, behavior noted, and words interpreted (or misinterpreted). It can almost make you fearful to speak.
One way to ensure your words reflect your intent is to use a two-pronged filter: am I conveying the feeling I mean to as well as the message? There are certainly times where you may want team members to feel pressure or your dissatisfaction, but most often leaders are working to positively motivate people. Consider how the answers to the questions below shape your communications at all levels; think about them in light of the earlier stories.
- Are my words consistent with the message I want / need to convey?
- Are my words unambiguous so there is little room for interpretation?
- Do I assume positive intent when someone’s words or actions seem unusual to me?
- Do I assume people work hard and are knowledgeable in their space when I address problems?
- Do I accept “we” first when credit is given and “I” first when a blame is to be taken?
- Do I speak about “team” before “me” in most instances?
- Do I reinforce that “us” vs. “them” refers to external competition, not other internal teams?
- Do I convey gratitude and appreciation?
If you answer these questions in the affirmative, you are more likely to build strong bonds through your words, emotionally connecting people to you and your message. If you responded “no” to multiple questions, you may be getting your message across, but perhaps not exactly how you intended, creating confusion or frustration.
As noted above, there are circumstances where it may be appropriate to use discomforting words, those that indicate you are not happy, or someone is not performing the way he should, or the team is not responding to a challenge, and you want to be direct. There are any number of reasons it may be appropriate to shift your tone to directive and less courteous. But it should absolutely be the exception and very rare so when you do it is meaningful, and your audience takes notice and knows something must change. If you never do it, your team may see you as nonchalant or too affable, not willing or able to stand up to problems and direct the team when it is deadlocked. If you do it too often it loses its impact, and you can be seen as a tyrant. Like most things in life, it’s a balance.
Your words are powerful. Use them wisely.
Share your thoughts below.
Can you share an instance where a leader’s words impacted you, either positively or negatively, how you felt, and your response?
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