Establish the right tone to develop relationships with your associates.
Have you ever received an e-mail like this?
Lisa,
Go ahead and send the meeting minutes over to Fred for his review.
Thanks.
It’s not the worst thing ever written, but it certainly isn’t a message working to develop or maintain a relationship. How about this instead,
Hi Lisa.
When you get a minute can you please send the meeting minutes from earlier today over to Fred.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Mike
Which would you prefer to receive? Of course, when you are three or four responses deep on an e-mail, the commentary likely becomes shorter, but if your first note is curt, you miss an opportunity to set a friendly tone that builds over time and becomes part of people’s perceptions of you.
Consider this note sent to an organization,
This Friday we have a guest speaker joining our all-associate meeting to discuss associate health and wellbeing. Please make every effort to attend this important presentation.
Mike
Or this
Team,
This Friday we have a guest speaker joining us for our all-associate meeting. Laura, from the associate wellbeing team, will be with us to discuss aspects of both mental and physical wellbeing. I have attended other meetings where Laura has discussed these topics, and she does an outstanding job of helping our associates understand the services available to each of us so we can live our best lives. I know this has been a particularly stressful time for many of us with all that has been going on in our local community as well as the normal stresses we feel from work. Please adjust your calendars to join Laura in this discussion. I’m sure you will walk away with something you didn’t know before as we work through these difficult times.
Have a good day.
Mike
What’s the difference between these examples? Tone. In the first example, the question is one of basic courtesy. While not a direct command to do something, it certainly does not create a tone of courtesy and respect like the rewritten example does as it asks someone to do something and thanks them for doing it. Every time you write an e-mail or other type of communication, and you tell someone to do something, switch it over to be an ask and then thank them for it. This may not seem consequential, but you write thousands of e-mails and other communications over time. If every time you need something done you direct rather than ask, it adds up. Your image becomes one of a command-and-control leader rather than a team member working alongside everyone else to accomplish the team’s goals.
How about the second example? What is the emphasis there? Explicitly, the message is one focused on the team, by leading with that word directly and by using the words “us” and “our”. It is overt and understood you are focused on the team. The second point is more implicit. It is a tone of connection. While the first version of the e-mail implies an ask by saying “please,” the second sets up the ask making it relevant by providing additional information about the meeting and putting yourself in the mix, as well. Think about hundreds or thousands of these types of messages adding up over time? What might associates think of you with this kind of messaging? How might they feel about you relative to other leaders?
In addition to these e-mail examples, here are additional considerations related to tone in communications:
- Which tone do you tend to use the most? Are you a matter-of-fact speaker and writer who is all business? Are you a lighter personality who makes your points through informal language? There is no right or wrong, but there is a need for balance. If you are always all business, people will respond to you in kind and your ability to create the emotional connections required to be an exceptional leader becomes increasingly difficult. If you are always informal, people may not take you seriously enough and therefore not trust you when there are important messages to communicate (layoffs, or organization changes, for example) and you are trying to calm the organization. Balance. Do you think about that often enough in your communications?
- Which word do you use most often: I or we? Think about the impact it has on your team over time.
- Do you call people resources? Such a detached word. Happens regularly in the corporate world. How much teaming does it imply when we call our associates and contractors resources rather than team members?
- Are you the type of person who thinks out loud? Thinking out loud while addressing the topic of discussion can bring new ideas to the table. But it can also distract, waste time, and be a drain. If done often enough, it can create a tone that you believe what you have to say is more important than what anyone else has to say, even if it is not relevant. If you are a person who does this regularly, be sure to manage yourself to get the benefit of an idea while avoiding the pitfalls of setting a bad tone.
These considerations are the same for verbal and written communications. You do get a benefit in verbal form, however, since your tone is more controllable as you regulate the intonation in your voice. In written form, though, readers hear your voice how they hear it, not necessarily how you intend for them to hear it. These tips also reduce the likelihood of someone misunderstanding what you meant or intended as well as how you want your message to be heard. Remember, bad news travels faster than good news. If someone believes you treated him poorly through written or verbal communication, word will travel more quickly across your organization than if someone thinks you treated him well. Over time that chips away at your credibility.
Share your thoughts below.
What is your default tone? Do you emphasize a particular style?
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