Disappointment can be a destructive force in a work environment.
Disappointment is a function of two things: expectations and actual occurrences. Disappointment arises when something different happens from what we expected or wanted. On the one hand, you have disappointment that arises when something happens that is truly different from what everyone agreed to. On the other hand, you have the disappointment that arises when what was supposed to occur did but was different from an individual’s expectations.
There are often two reasons someone’s expectations are off: (1) the team did not communicate well and inappropriately set his expectations or (2) he ignored the expectations being communicated. The one you can control is the first. To avoid issues, put expectations in writing and cover them regularly in meetings as work progresses. The second case is trickier. You will never get past the person who wishes something different could happen and, therefore, does not listen and believes it is his right to be disappointed when your team does not meet his expectation (e.g., setting unrealistic delivery dates and demanding the team deliver to them or only accepting the low end of a cost range because it fits within the budget), so how you respond in these situations becomes important. Leaders who demonstrate this type of behavior can destroy team member morale, which directly impacts their work and your ability to achieve your goals. When this behavior arises, exceptional leaders address it immediately, confronting the person about his conduct as well as his incorrect expectations.
Also note, what “bad” looks like to each of us influences our expectations and behavior. Behaviors are, in part, shaped by rewards and punishments as well as what each of us perceives to be “good” and “bad.” If I think it’s bad to miss a product launch by a day, my behavior will be very different than if I believe product launches are successful if delivered in the target month, or quarter. Or I might think it is bad to have any misses because I cannot be rated as an exceeds performer if I have “substantial misses,” and I believe a substantial miss means any slip whatsoever. Or I might think it is an outstanding performance to deliver within one day of target because the business case was based on delivery within a quarter rather than on a specific date. What we consider to be good or bad affects the expectations we set with others and the way we hear those they set with us. Ensuring you have aligned expectations with aligned tolerances around those expectations provides the team with a common understanding of what good and bad look like and a greater chance to avoid undue disappointment.
When someone is pushing hard for something and it seems unreasonable to you, it can be revealing to ask, “what bad thing happens if we can’t meet your request?” This question can provide insight into why he holds the expectation he has and help you bridge the gap. Perhaps he made a commitment to a customer. Or to his leader. Or the financial plan for his area depends on this work and you were not aware of that connection. Getting a clear understanding of why the problem looks so bad to him when it does not to you provides insight into how to bridge the gap, to determine concrete actions that can be taken. Expectations are powerful motivators. If they are set incorrectly, they can lead to stress and bad behavior. If set appropriately, they can incent people to excel.
Share your thoughts below.
What techniques have you used to address undue disappointment and ensuing bad behavior?
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